Blog German 16 August 2026 6 min read

Is my child losing their German? Signs parents notice early

Between «still speaks fluently» and «can't find the words any more» lies a slow process. How families abroad recognise it early — and what reliably stops it.

Pencil sketch: a tree whose foliage thins out on one side

In short

Usually not in the strict sense. What families observe is rarely a loss of language but a standstill in its expansion: everyday vocabulary stays stable because it is used daily, while school and technical vocabulary stops growing. The child still speaks German fluently, but about an ever narrower range of topics. It shows first in missing words for abstract matters and in sentences built on the pattern of the local language.

What actually changes — and what does not?

Language used daily stays stable. Food, family, routine, feelings: every German-speaking family abroad maintains these areas by itself, without thinking about it. That is why a child still sounds entirely unremarkable at the kitchen table even after years abroad.

What does not grow along with it is everything beyond that: the words for processes, causes, judgements and subject matter. A child in Germany picks them up incidentally — in lessons, in the playground, from series, from arguments with peers. That incidental supply is almost entirely absent abroad.

The result is not a step backwards but a widening gap: the child speaks the German they spoke at eight — except they are now thirteen and are measured at school against what thirteen-year-olds should be able to do.

How do we recognise it in everyday life?

The signs are inconspicuous, because children are very skilled at working around gaps. They swap the word, shorten the sentence or tell a different story. Anyone who knows what to look for notices it anyway.

Telling a story flows; explaining a matter falters.
Instead of a precise word comes a paraphrase: «that thing you use to…».
Individual words from the local language slip into German sentences.
Word order follows the local language, especially in subordinate clauses.
Idioms are translated literally and sound slightly off.
When reading aloud, the sense of a sentence is missed even though every word is read correctly.
Asked «how do you say that in German?», the answer is a shrug rather than a search.

Sentence structure gives more away than vocabulary

Missing individual words is normal, including in monolingual children. It is worth paying attention when German sentences are built on the pattern of the local language — for instance when the verb in a subordinate clause slips to the wrong position.

That is a sign that the second language has taken over the thinking and German is merely being translated. This is precisely where the mark deductions in written work later come from.

Is this a sign that we did something wrong?

No. The effect occurs in practically every family abroad, regardless of how consistently German is spoken at home. It does not arise from too little German within the family, but from too little German outside it.

A family can secure everyday vocabulary. What it can hardly replace is the variety of speakers, topics and situations that automatically surround a child in Germany. That is not a parenting mistake but a structural condition of life abroad.

The distinction matters: bilingualism is a gain and remains one. The issue described here does not concern being bilingual, but the pace at which the school level of one of the two languages keeps up.

When does it become visible at school?

Almost always later than it arises. As long as lessons are mainly oral and the material stays concrete, nothing shows. As soon as written work, longer texts and reasoning arrive, the gap becomes measurable — usually between years 5 and 7.

The typical pattern is familiar to many families: the oral mark is good, the written one drops. Or: the content of a test is right, but the phrasing is not enough for full marks.

On returning to Germany, the same effect appears all at once instead of gradually. The child then meets lessons that presuppose the school language level which has not grown in the preceding years.

What stops the process?

Anything that delivers German input beyond family routine works — regularly, at normal speed, and on topics that go beyond home.

Reading beyond everyday vocabulary. Non-fiction, young adult novels, magazines — breadth of topic matters more than volume.
Listening to real speakers. Audiobooks, podcasts, series in German. Subtitles in German, not in the local language.
Asking for explanations. Have your child explain something fully in German on a regular basis — a game, a school topic, a film.
Contact with other speakers. Grandparents, friends, video calls. Different voices bring different vocabulary.
Writing in small doses. Messages, short reports, a travel diary. Writing forces complete sentences.

When is that no longer enough?

The route via home carries vocabulary and a feel for the language. What it does not deliver is the build-up of school text types: summary, argumentative essay, analysis, technical language in maths. These forms do not occur in everyday life — not even in a very German-speaking family.

When written grades fail to keep up despite good reading and good speaking, that is the point at which focused work on the German curriculum becomes worthwhile. Not as tutoring for the next test, but as building the level that everyday life does not grow.

The ideal moment is before the visible drop in grades — but afterwards the route is the same, just with a little more distance to cover.

Key points

Everyday vocabulary stays; academic vocabulary stops growing with it.
The first signs appear when explaining, not when chatting.
Sentence structure from the local language is a clearer signal than a missing word.
The process is slow and therefore hard to notice day to day.
Regular German input beyond family life stops it.

Frequently asked questions

Our child refuses to speak German at home. What now?

This is common and usually a question of belonging, not of language. Pressure makes it worse. It works better to link German to pleasant situations and not turn it into a duty. Comprehension is retained in this phase, even if speaking declines.

Is it bad if our child mixes languages?

In itself, no. Mixing is a normal feature of multilingual speech and not a sign of weakness. It is worth paying attention only when a child mixes even while deliberately trying to speak German only.

Does a local German course help?

That depends on the course. Courses in German as a foreign language start at the beginning and rarely suit a child who already speaks fluently. What makes sense is teaching anchored in the German curriculum for the relevant year.

What if we are not going to return to Germany anyway?

German still remains the route into German-language qualifications, degree courses and training paths — and to the family. The decision to keep that door open can hardly be made up for later.

At what age is it too late?

It is not too late. But the effort rises with age, because the demands of the year level rise with it. The best moment is the one at which the first signs appear — not the one at which the grades force it.

Maike Rulfs-Zoua

Founder of Assadé, teacher and telc examiner

More than 30 years of experience as a teacher and examiner, with posts at the Goethe-Institut, the German School Barcelona and the American International School of Riyadh. Mother of five.